Horses show affection quietly. Most of what people call “affection” toward their horses—verbal praise, loud pats, handfuls of treats—mostly makes us feel good, not the horse.
Good pony!!!!
We like being told “good job” because we speak English. Horses don’t. They aren’t verbal creatures, and aside from the occasional nicker or snort, they almost never use sound as their primary form of communication. We talk so much that they can’t possibly isolate which words are meant for them—and even if they could, words don’t mean anything emotionally to a horse.
Treats won’t make your horse like you.
Treats are something we enjoy giving our horse because we can see how much they like to eat them. Yes, your horse likes food. But food won’t make your horse like YOU. You can have poor feel, abrasive movements, nervous energy and so on – and NO amount of treats will change your horse’s dislike of you. They may nicker when you come into view, because they associate you with food, and they like food. But don’t be mistaken, their fondness of food will make zero difference as you move about them clumsily, cling to their mouth under saddle, radiate anxiety or loose your temper, etc, etc, etc.
Worse, treats easily trigger food anxiety—and it’s a big problem. Many horses become so fixated on when the next treat is coming that they can’t stand still, they nose your pockets, or they start frantically offering “behaviors” hoping it will trigger another treat. This anxiety doesn’t feel good to them. A handful of rare horses seem unaffected by treats, but most become more agitated, not more relaxed.
I recently watched a video from a well-known positive reinforcement trainer where she gave tips on how to avoid this type of anxiety. Yet throughout the entire video, the horse demonstrated all the behaviors described above. I’ve used a well timed treat here and there to help my horse feel good about something they don’t love (example: putting on fly masks). But generally, in my experience, the anxiety created outweighs the good. I highly encourage my students to TRY not giving any treats for at least three months and see if you can detect a difference in your horse’s anxiety level.
So what does feel good to a horse?
Think about how horses touch each other. They don’t give each other demonstrative slaps – which are abrasive and jarring. Watch people “reward” their horses after a job well done in the show ring and it will tell you a LOT about their understanding of horses. The ones who understand horses the most probably remain quiet and give their horse a calm scratch. The main way that horses show affection and enjoy each other’s touch is through scratching.
Most horses I meet have a “scratchy spot” – a place they where they will appreciate what our finger nails can do. Common spots are just behind the wither, along the chest, the backside of the bum, and the inside of their ears. When you find their favorite spot, you will know because your horse will lean in slightly, their neck will stretch out and up, and their lip will start quivering. They may reach over and offer a polite scratch back (I usually gently push them away if their mutual grooming gets a little too aggressive for my human clothes and skin).
Affection feels good to horses when it matches their language, not ours.
