“She’s a sassy red mare!”

“He is stubborn and refuses to go down the trail.”

“She is buddy-sour and won’t stop hollering.”

“He needs to learn patience so he can stand quietly on the cross ties.”

“He pushes into my space because he doesn’t respect people.”

Phrases like these tell me a lot about how far along a person is with their horsemanship and their understanding of horse psychology. All of these phrases are very outward-facing — placing the horse at fault. Additionally, many of these phrases contain words that we would often ascribe to people. Words like ‘patience’, ‘stubbornness’, and ‘respect’ reflect qualities that humans can embody but are meaningless to horses.

Horses have no concept of respect. They do have a concept of needing to move out of the way of that mare within the herd who clearly and consistently tells them so. They have a concept of how good it feels to be near that calm horse in the herd who is willing to share a pile of hay. These “rules” are fluid — meaning that they are open for debate at any time and if a different answer is received, that new information will change the herd dynamics.

There is no concept of “respecting” another horse – just the clarity of asking a question (can I share that pile of hay with you?) and getting an understandable answer (no). Some horses will ask the question frequently. And others will accept a given answer for a good long time.

Horses are meant to conserve energy. All of their instincts are geared towards survival. If a mountain lion sneaks up on them, they must be ready to get out of there as quickly as possible. It would be reckless to expend extra energy bucking and being stubborn just because they are “spicy.”

Horses are meant to be part of a herd at all times. Without the safety of the herd, they are meant to feel afraid and wary. These instincts are hardwired into 99% of horses. We, people, take them away from the herd. The amount of anxiety this creates seems ridiculous to us, but is life or death to a horse. This anxiety is often mislabeled as “buddy-sour”, “impatient”, and “naughty”.

Horses like clarity. Can I share that hay pile with you? If the answer isn’t clear, the horse will be pretty anxious and confused. Similarly, when our handling of them creates confusion, we will get responses that are mislabeled as “stubborn”, “willful”, “disrespectful”, etc. Our responses to the questions our horses ask can be clearer and more level-headed when we aren’t offended because they don’t “respect” us.

We can help our horses feel safe and at peace in our presence. When we learn good feel, timing, and clarity, our horses’ anxiety — and therefore these undesirable traits — go away. We learn that when a horse is “buddy-sour” in actuality, WE are lacking something that the horse needs. Not the other way around. When the horse is “disrespectful”, WE are lacking something that the horse needs, not the other way around. When we have this understanding, our language begins to really change.

Suddenly the “disrespectful” horse and the “impatient” horse are actually incredibly anxious horses. The stubborn horse is confused (and anxious!). Almost any problem that has been described to me has been caused by unrecognized or unaddressed anxiety. And the solution is almost always something that requires growth and change on the part of the human.

Sassy = Anxious

Stubborn = Anxious

Barn-Sour = Anxious

Disrespectful = Anxious

Mouthy = Anxious

Naughty = Anxious

Pushy = Anxious

And on, and on, and on…